| Question | Timeout | Default Answer |
|---|---|---|
| Do you want coffee this morning? | 12 sec | Yes |
| Anybody here? | 10 sec | No |
| Hey, how about we watch *this* movie? | 7 sec | No |
| (in a horror movie) Honey are you all right? | 6 sec | No, I'm dead |
| Need help with that? | 5 sec | Yes |
| Do you want the last piece of pie? | 4.5 sec | Yes |
| Are you going to eat that? | 4.2 sec | Yes, or No but I'm disgusted you want to eat after me, but by letting you know that I'm vaguely insulting myself |
| (after being struck by a car) Are you ok? | 4 sec | No |
| (from mother) Is there a new girl / boy in your life? | 3.9 sec | Yes but you would not approve of her / him, or No but I'm afraid you'll help, or Maybe except how to tell you it's a boy / girl |
| So, did you like my casserole? | 3.8 sec | No |
| (from mother) Are you happy in your life? | 3.6 sec | No but if I let you know I'll never get off the ph... Darn it. |
| Who farted?!? | 3.5 sec | Me |
| Are you choking? | 3.2 sec | Yes |
| You didn't eat the last piece of pie did you? | 3.1 sec | Yes |
| I didn't offend you, did I? | 3 sec | Yes |
| Do you like my new dress / haircut / nose job? | 2.8 sec | No |
| Do you love me? | 2.5 sec | No |
| Are you happy I'm pregnant? | 2.2 sec | No |
| Are you having an affair? | 0.64 sec | Yes |
| (implicit with all unconcluded email exchanges) Do you still like me, or foresee any advantage at all to association with me? | 72 hours, or 3 times median response time | No* |
or No, I'm still composing a face-saving way to avoid saying so
or Yes, but not enough to notice your last email had a question in it
or No, and I can't believe you haven't picked up on it yet
or Maybe, but something more interesting is happening in my life
or Don't know either, but other neglected emails have scrolled yours out of view
4 comments:
Is there a time limit padded in for trying to think of a funny response but coming up with nothing? If so, I hesitated 10 seconds while drafting this comment in my head.
Why yes, dear Gwen, I do believe spouses should exercise more levity and patience during a fidelity check. And I expect most healthy adults could survive an extra ten seconds without oxygen.
I once had the chance to use Heimlich,
So I sat and composed this limerick.
I do the best rhyme,
When I haven't much time,
And guffawing improves the ballistic.
This is a very funny post. I imagine myself waiting the specified time and the answer becoming more and more apparent by the millisecond.
Hello again, Will from TheSatisfied. (Extraordinary project there!) I admire brevity. The ultimate is saying much by speaking not at all. I am in awe of that talent. I'm bad at it. I only aspire to communicate by silence when some other channel is open.
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