Wednesday, September 10, 2008

SARAH PALIN'S SECURITY CLEARANCE

(Below is a respectful and good-natured reply to a [slightly rearranged and numbered] post by John F. Wear on the Marine Open Discussion Forum on military.com, originally written by Tom W., and first forwarded to me from my strong-willed-yet-oh-so-feminine, gorgeous, mouthy, Republican sister Penny, whom I've madly adored since I was two and a half. She is affectionately known as the white sheep of our family, for some reason. The following are excerpts of John's post, and my replies.)

Before you dismiss the fact that Sarah Palin is Governor of Alaska, consider this: 1. Alaska is the first line of defense in our missile interceptor defense system, that protects the entire nation from ballistic missile attacks.
Really? We can "intercept" and "protect" the nation from ballistic missile attacks?? Are those just fancy terms for watching and yelling?
2. The Alaska National Guard is on permanent active duty, unlike other Guard units. As governor of Alaska, Palin is commander of The 49th Missile Defense Battalion of the Alaska National Guard. She is briefed on highly classified military issues, homeland security, and counterterrorism. Her exposure to classified material may rival even Biden's and certainly by far exceeds Obama's.
Have the The 49th Missile Defense Battalion of the Alaska National Guard been terribly busy lately? How about ever?
3. Palin is privy to military and intelligence secrets that are vital to the entire country's defense. Given Alaska's proximity to Russia, she may have security clearances we don't even know about.
Oh, so it's a ground issue as well, you know, a Bering Land Bridge thing? Do analysts assert that 12,000 years since anyone tried invading that way is no excuse for a lapse of vigilance?
4. She's also the commander in chief of the Alaska State Defense Force (ASDF), a federally recognized militia incorporated into Homeland Security's counterterrorism plans.
Isn't it true that 93% of the actual work of the Alaska State Defense Force has been to field complaints from irate online merchants about suspicious accounts purporting to be from asdfasdfasdfasdfasdf?
5. According to the Washington Post, she first met with McCain in February, but nobody ever found out. This is a woman used to keeping secrets. She can be entrusted with our national security, because she already is.
Isn't watching the arctic skies for incoming ballistic missiles already about the most harmless conceivable federal job? It's really not much basis for the least.
: : :

(Elder sister speaks: “Love clouds your vision, little brother. The only part you have correct is strong-willed and mouthy. In real life I'm just a 61 year old disillusioned conservative Democrat that thinks the selection of candidates is so poor it's more like voting for which of your knees you want to receive a bullet. I'm not the white sheep - I'm the sheep with the more ordinary life. I don't know about the madly adoring part, but you have my love and admiration for life. You're way too sweet always. p”)

14 comments:

Mona said...

This IS a quixotic post! :D

what about Palin being a 'pseudo'-governor, 'pseudo'-guard , pseudo- commander of a pseudo- land - bridge ; you know the one like pseudo-intellectual or pseudo- secularist kind?

The sad part is that collective consciousness of an entire race seems to be in deep slumber...& some people do fall for high sounding phrases...

so...who let the secret about her now-not-so-secret rendezvous with Mc Cain Pain ?

Oops... sorry! Slip of the tongue is again the fault of the mind...

Mona said...

The only solace I can offer is that she seems warm enough to survive in that god forsaken cold region, which any trekker of terrorist intent ( I doubt) will be able to...

Bob Stein said...

Mona I can read one thing you wrote on three different days and you seem like three different people. I love that. So now I have six comments, hahaha. Please never allow anything to alleviate your alovely alliteration.

Brooke said...

Oh. My. Goodness. Thank you so much for posting this!! Sarah Palin scares the bejeezus out of me...so much so that I'm actually ALARMED by the feelings that I allow to be aroused within me when thinking/reading about her. NO ONE should have the ability to make me this angry and FREAKED OUT, and yet, I allow her to.

It will be interesting to see what happens.....

Bob Stein said...

Doesn't it strike you as the choice of a desperate candidate? I think the only chance the Republican party has now is some fresh terrorism.

Fancy Schmancy said...

How does she have that much access to so much intelligence, and still seem so un-intelligent? There is a huge difference between smart and clever, and she's clever like a fox.

Brian H said...

Your trivial catty responses don't speak well of you. Speak loudly and carry a small stick is a REALLY bad policy, even though it seems to come naturally to you. BION

I'd readily wager that SP has achieved more in her last 40 years that you and all of the other commenters here together have or ever will.

Brian H said...

typo: "than you".

Bob Stein said...

Hello, Brian H! Thanks for this blog's first heckle. +20 bonus points.

-5 points for not listening though. Your support of Sarah Palin and soft-speech/big-stick-ness are a couple degrees off topic. Despite the title being "Sarah Palin's Security Clearance," the subject of my post was very little about SC and not at all about SP, nor even her past or future jobs. (Note to self, bad titles distinguish readers who don't read.) My subject was primarily that John F. Wear's points were all specious. (Correction, they appear to be Tom W.'s specious points originally.) If I were to write about sticks I'd probably say I'm very glad the world decided to force a regime change in Iraq, and very concerned about the deep flaws in the process of making that decision, and pointedly disappointed I'm paying more than my fair share of it, but you probably wouldn't bother to read that either. I'd love to read and discuss your topics on your blog, wherever that is.

You're practicing Football Politics, which I define as polarizing all ideas, acts, and people as for or against your team. I presume you assume I'm anti-SP because I roasted a pro-SP article. I'm not really. I am against making someone famous for the wrong reasons, as Tom W. did. He listed none of SP's real qualifications for VP and five fake ones. Tom W's article was trivial and catty. As pro-SP, you should heckle his article more than mine, especially because he wasn't even trying to be funny, but I predict you won't because, well, you're just playing ball here (i.e. he's on your team, and because I roasted his article I am not). More evidence of your dichotomic team spirit shows in your impugning my manhood by (A) calling me catty, (B) associating me with a small stick, and (C) wagering I have been out-accomplished by a girl. -3 points for kicking below the belt, man. More blows to the cerebral cortex next time, please.

Ok since you're right about me being trivial I'll confess the main reason I published that article was to show off wit. The ASDF joke clinched it. And secondarily to tell my sister how much I love her in public, while also exploiting a rare chance to outwit her, also in public.

+10 points for correcting your own spelling! This tags us both as over 30 (i.e. having going through puberty before the internet did in 1994) but I am proud to share this anachronistic elitism with you.

Final score +22 points, congratulations. Please come back now.

Bob Stein said...

Schmancy, I am thrilled to have your purple flowery wit decorate my little corner. What is my thing with smart, clever-like-a-fox women? It is getting me into so much trouble. Please say you'll come back?

I too have this hunch Sarah Palin is MUCH more clever and witty than she dares let on. I would love to have a long, candid conversation with her (even if I were gay). She may be the most interesting of the candidates. Am I the only one concerned about the fate of the editorial cartooning industry?

Anonymous said...

Not to speak in defense of any candidate, but on Mona's comment about the probability of terrorists in Alaska in relation to Alaska's cold climate, The mountains of Afghanistan might as well be Alaska, for how cold they can get.

Mona said...

that is because whatever i write it is not me writing. I Become the topic concerned & take its hue & form.

Have you heard about when the seeker becomes the sought?

It is like that!

Bob Stein said...

Mona: isn't that the truest sign of your true love for words? Like when the ultimate yearning becomes a manifestation of the divine. Or when you cook lobster and for the next week the house smells fishy.

Cindy said...

I find myself agreeing with most of this, and in hindsite, Sarah Palin was a poor choice for the RNC. Maybe they'll figure things out by 2012...